Married Sex

By Sarah Aubrey Gazaneo

Have you ever wondered who decides when sex is considered cool and when it is uncool?  Frosh week: cool.  Retirment: uncool.  Did you cringe?  You proved my point.  Other than wrinkled, arthritic bodies what would make us think that single sex is better than married sex?

Before were married my husband, Andrew, and I made a point of setting aside one day a week as date night.  We chose Tuesday.  It was a day that suited both of our schedules at the time, which was now four years ago.  It’s also cheap movie night. 

Recently, we went to see Date Night in theater.  As the credits rolled across the screen, we watched Steve Carell and Tina Fey's overworked, middle-aged, suburban characters make out on their front lawn after rekindling their romance throughout the film.  Oh, *spoiler*, sorry.  I'm pretty sure you would have worked that one out on your own.  Please rent it: it's a great movie and I laughed so hard at one point I almost threw up.

The make out session prompted Andrew to conjecture on the way home that Hollywood seemed to be changing its game: portraying sex as a sign of a happy relationship.

I felt obliged to point out the obvious, "Hollywood ALWAYS shows the sex side of relationships."

"No, I mean of marriage relationships."

He reminded me of Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci's brilliant portrayal of married couple Julia and Paul Child in Julie & Julia.  As they romped around in their bedroom in Paris, Julia coyly narrates: "Morning class ends at 12:30, then I go home and make lunch for Paul...Then Paul takes a nap."

I can remember the tag line of a Carlsburg commercial from their “Carlsburg Years” ad campaign that aired a few years ago: A friend of mine once tried to tell me that the best sex I'd ever have would be with my wife. He was right.

Not only am I a big fan of married sex, but I also wonder if we all - deep down - are fans of it because it means comfort.  If an unmarried couple hooks up on screen we feel excited, tantalized, and nervous.  But if a married couple acts scandalously, we giggle.  We're a little embarrassed, yes, but also pleased. And...comforted.  Married sex means commitment.  Married sex means permanence.  Married sex means (gag) OUR PARENTS.

How many people of my generation grew up watching their parents hug, kiss, flirt, tease, and joke with each other?  But for those who did (and I consider myself incredibly fortunate to be of this group), were we not pleased?  We'd mime dramatic retching scenes but inside we knew that they were still very much in love and that meant that we were safe.

Growing up, my brothers and I would yell GET A ROOM when our parents kissed in front of us.  EW, GROSS, DON'T DO THAT HERE, GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE PRIVATELY (...secretly, we like it and it makes us happy inside...).

So Andrew and I are happily beaming this message out to anyone that can stomach it: that marriage is good, that married sex is the best sex, and that PDA is not only healthy but necessary for the security, comfort, and education of those who look up to us.  Half the time we don't even mean to - it's just that good!  A few weeks ago, for no reason, Andrew had my favourite flowers delivered to the office where I worked.  The note read: "I love you. I always will. Andrew."

Think of the peace of mind that we could cultivate for generations to come by demonstrating that sexiness doesn’t end with marriage vows.