Inside City Manor
Thursday, January 7, 2010 at 8:56PM By Christine Setlock
City Manor photo by Kelly Jankowski www.cmomentsbykelly.com
When Lisa Bouw stood in the doorway of her new, private family suite, she broke down and cried.
It was a long way from the sense of doom she had felt only weeks before coming; or before that, when she boarded an airplane to Buffalo not knowing what lie ahead.
“As the plane was taking off, I was so overwhelmed with emotion,” Lisa said. “In that moment, it was like a death and rebirth.”
She learned that something profound had happened, but she was too afraid then to comprehend all that it was.
Her Cornerstone Manor stay has been just the word from above she needed.
“Our intention is to give them a message of hope,” said Dr. Lora Warkentin, director of Cornerstone Manor, the homeless shelter for women and children on North Street in Buffalo. “The things they’ve been through in their lives have been unfair, but there is a God who loves them. There is a God who forgives them.”
The Cornerstone brings women to a place where they can heal and rebuild their lives. And, they find that it’s best for women to learn to face life again on their own by being connected to a God who loves them.
Jan Mansfield, who’s been counseling clients for three years at the facility said that some days it’s like a hospital emergency room there.
“They can stay up to two years, but they need to deal with the issues that made them homeless,” she said.
“Some people, no matter how hard you work with them, they always see you as the enemy, as someone who wants to get into their lives and into their business,” Warkentin said. Her aim is not to do that, but rather, just help them with what they want help with.
“Some just fade into oblivion,” she said. “But then the risk of relapse is real high, or risk of failure, because they have no resources out there, or they’re not using their resources appropriately.” The facility offers educational programs for basic computer and vocational training, including classes in money management, anger management, nutrition, and Bible study. Women attend housing seminars to help them find affordable apartments and apply for benefits. In addition, they have the opportunity to start college, as long as they continue their recovery throughout it.
When Lisa’s father first dropped her off at Cornerstone, it was the old Carlton Street shelter, and out of all her belongings from Florida, they only let her bring one bag.
“You can’t leave me here! What am I going to do?” Lisa yelled at her dad.
“I was scared,” she said. “I had been in other programs before and I failed at all of them.”
“I wanted everything to get better right away.”
“We try to get them to take the mask off and be real and live a life that is healthier, so that when they leave, they don’t end up homeless again,” said Mansfield, case manager at the new shelter where Lisa now stays. “Some women will just get started and then they leave. They don’t want to go there. It takes a lot of courage.”
Many residents at Cornerstone come from a background of abuse, and it set a pattern in their lives they’re still trying to get out of, according to Mansfield, who manages a case load of 20 to 30 clients at a time.
Warkentin said that some people actually believe that the only thing needed to solve the homeless crisis is to buy each person a house. But, she quickly pointed to those facing mental illness and drug-addiction that haven’t yet developed the life skills to handle that or other resources.
Warkentin would know. She was there for the deinstitutionalization of the psych wards, which began in the including classes in money management, anger management, nutrition, and Bible study . Women attend housing seminars to help them find affordable apartments and apply for benefits, in addition to the opportunity to start college, as long as they continue their recovery throughout it.(there might be something missing here)
When Lisa’s father first dropped her off at Cornerstone, it was the old Carlton Street shelter, and out of all her belongings from Florida, they only let her bring one bag.
“You can’t leave me here! What am I going to do?” Lisa yelled at her dad.
“I was scared,” she said. “I had been in other programs before and I failed at all of them.”
“I wanted everything to get better right away.
“We try to get them to take the mask off and be real and live a life that is healthier, so that when they leave, they don’t end up homeless again,” said Mansfield, case manager at the new shelter where Lisa now stays. “Some women will just get started and then they leave. They don’t want to go there. It takes a lot of courage.”
Many residents at Cornerstone come from a background of abuse, and it set a pattern in their lives they’re still trying to get out of, according to Mansfield, who manages a case load of 20 to 30 clients at a time.
Warkentin said some people actually believe that the only thing needed to solve the homeless crisis is to buy each person a house. But, she quickly pointed to those facing mental illness and drug-addiction, who haven’t yet developed the life skills to handle that or other resources.
Warkentin would know. She was there for the deinstitutionalization of the psych wards, which began in the (repeated from above) 1970’s in Ontario, Canada, and followed the same model as the program in the United States, leaving a large number of displaced people out on the streets. “They’re a much more complex client,” she said. “We have a lot of them in the shelter and they’re mentally ill, and they’re chemically addicted — and a lot of times, because so many of them become victims on the street (take a look… I know it’s a quote but it doesn’t read right).” “Look at the life of Jesus,” Warkentin said. “He asked the question: Do you want to get better? Do you want to be healed? If people don’t want to be healed, there’s no point in it. I can give them all the time in the world, but if they walk away, then they’re not going to get better.”
Lisa was high on crack-cocaine, but the Lord delivered her from it.
“It was like it was a leash around my neck,” she said.
She also realized that she was delivered, not only from drug addiction, but from depression, selfishness, and unhealthy relationships with men. That’s when the dreams about drug- use began. “It was like something was telling me, ‘C’mon, you’re dreaming. Why not just take a hit. Just one hit.”
“The Lord empowered me to say ‘no’,” Lisa said. “Now, I don’t even have to fight it any more; I just don’t do it.
When I said yes to the Lord, when I trusted Him, when I gave over my being to Him, He just took it from me.” “The fear level is high when some [of the women] come close to finishing and they sabotage,” Warkentin said “Being responsible is scary. Some fall back into drugs, or a man who is not good for them. We don’t have much of that, but even with one or two, it’s sad.”
. “Very few will admit that they’re an addict and can’t handle life,” she said. “None of them choose to be addicted; they just use it to deal with their pain.”
In those who come alone, drug addiction is high, ranging from 70 to 80 percent of female adults. Sixty percent of clients overall are using or have used.
“Many don’t see things like marijuana or alcohol as a problem — even when child protection is on their rear,” she said.
Warkentin runs a 12-step program, which focuses on scripture and spiritual healing. “What does scripture say and how do we as women apply it to our lives?”
Lisa’s four children, ranging in age from 1, 3, 5, and 8-years-old, are helping her refocus on what matters.
“Through all the training here, I learned how to nurture [the kids] in their spirit, as well as how to teach them,” she said. “I was on drugs and I would let them do whatever. Now they are my number one priority.”
She does daily devotions with her daughters, and also cooks.
“Before, the only thing I ever prepared were TV dinners,” she said.
Lisa has a 10-point discipline system for her children.
“If I have to talk to my daughter about bad behavior, she gets points taken away. If they have all their points by the end of the week, they get something special. The Lord not only restored my life, He restored it more abundantly than it was before.”
“Many of our children haven’t played,” Warkentin said. “They were taking care of Mom. We’ve had three and four-year olds in charge.”
That tends to change once they come to Cornerstone.
The facility has a center courtyard which features a gazebo, basketball hoop and two large jungle gyms with padded carpeting beneath. Its central location and wrap-around windows allow mothers to see their children playing from any of the three levels of the building.
Lisa attends classes at the Educational Opportunity Center where she will graduate in May 2008 and become a medical assistant.
She also declined a recent chance to leave the homeless shelter, opting to graduate from the Cornerstone program in July instead.
“I knew it was the Lord,” she said of her opportunity there. “I always thought a blessing as something you can touch and feel and hold in your hands, but a blessing could be anything.”