Jim and Jill Kelly's Grace Story

Jim and Jill Kelly are perhaps two of the most recognizable faces in Western New York. From the glory days with the Bills, to the hall of fame speeches, to their community activism with Hunter’s Hope and other charitable events, to the coveted autograph sessions with Jim, the Kelly’s have made their mark on our community in more ways than one. On the outside things looked great, but to many Western New Yorkers the pain Jim and Jill experienced through the birth and death of their son Hunter, was something few are able to relate to. In Jill’s recent memoir,

Without a Word, she tells all, the highs and lows, pain and joy and how they overcome seemingly impossible odds and saw their family restored to wholeness.

Suffering has a way of bringing to light the hidden issues of our hearts. Pain invokes a response from us and presents us with a choice, one that for the Kelly’s made all the difference in the world for them. As Robert Frost so      elegantly put it in his poem, Road Not Taken,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

That difference really is the theme of Jill’s memoir, for Jim and Jill it was their decision to turn to God in the midst of the crisis and choose to follow Christ. In our interview Jill was adamant that without her and later Jim’s choice to 

follow the God of the Bible, their marriage would not have survived. Jill explained that while the tragedy of Hunter’s death was the most difficult season of her life, it was in the midst of the pain that her life began to change, for the better. While acknowledging the irony of good things coming out of bad experiences, Jill said without the trial and pain of Hunter’s sickness and death, she would have never made the decision to make changes in her life. Though she had grown up Catholic, she acknowledges in Without a Word, that she never had a personal relationship with God until Hunter came along and she was confronted with death and pain. While some people use pain and    suffering to discredit the existence of God, Jill and later Jim, responded by running to God and finding peace, restoration, and as Jim described it, freedom. Jill, while not proselytizing through her book, describes her strong faith as something that is now such a deeply ingrained part of her life that to tell the story, faith must be talked about. Jim on the other hand shares his journey to Christ as a more progressive decision that came after years of resisting the pressure of teammates and his wife to change and follow God’s ways. Jim  described teammates pushing their faith on him to the point that he wanted nothing to do with it. When Hunter was diagnosed with Krabbe disease and even later after Hunter’s death, Jim ran all the further from the faith, even as Jill ran closer and closer to God, but later came to the faith and embraced it. Jim explained to me that he is the same man as he has always been on the outside, it is the inside that has changed. He is still the same rough and tough Jim who loves sports, hunting, and the outdoors, it is the inside that has changed. He explained, “I’m more compassionate now, and caring about others. I want to be the father my girls deserve and a good husband to my wife.”  Jim and Jill are extremely transparent in the memoir 

in hopes that their story will inspire and give hope to those who may find themselves in a similar situation. Holding nothing back, Jim openly confessed and turned away from marital infidelities and Jill told me she looks at that part of their story as redeemed now, not something that she won’t talk about it. “Everyone struggles with something, for us this was an issue, but we understand it is a part of our story and it has been redeemed.”

Jill describes the needed healing her family experienced before going public with the story in Without a Word. “God really    needed to bring our family to a place of healing and wholeness before we were able to share the story,” explained Jill.  The healing she described in the book was something that has been a process and not until recently were they able to feel open to sharing it with the world. 

The Chapel at Crosspoint, in Getzville, NY played a large part in the turn around the Kelly’s experienced. Jim describes lead pastor Jerry Gillis as someone who has both inspired and challenged him to follow Christ and according to Jim is one of the best motivational speakers. Jim mentioned his close relationship with Pastor Rich George who counseled him through some of the toughest obstacles he faced off the field as a real turning point for him. While the church has grown to nearly 5,000 members, the influence of the church has expanded internationally with partner ministries working across the world. Jill affirms her role in fulfilling the  mission of The Chapel, in giving every man, woman, and child repeated opportunities to hear and see the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The good news that Jill experienced is something that she is not afraid or shy to share, without it, there was no hope.

So what is it about pain that leads people to make decisions that alter the rest of their lives? C.S. Lewis in The Problem of Pain offers some insights anyone could appreciate when he wrote, “The human spirit will not even begin to try to surrender self-will as long as all seems to be well with it...Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything is going well with us. We ‘have all we want’ is a terrible saying when ‘all’ does not include God. We find God an interruption. As St. Augustine says somewhere, ‘God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full-there’s nowhere for Him to put it.’ Or as a friend  of mine said, ‘We regard God as an airman regards his parachute; it’s there for emergencies but he hopes he’ll never have to use it.’”

For Jim and Jill their life of fame, parties, pleasure, and money took a bit of an unexpected fumble, when they heard Hunter’s diagnosis. Like the airman who regarded his parachute for emergencies only, the sirens started sounding when Jim and Jill got the news. Jill in her pain was met by her Uncle who brought her through the book of Job where extreme pain brings about restoration for Job. Job lost his children, his properties, animals, and more but then received restoration at the end of the book. In a similar way, Jim and Jill had their self sufficiency swallowed up trying to digest the news that their firstborn son, born on Jim’s birthday (Valentine’s Day) may not live until his second birthday. C.S. Lewis again addresses what the Kelly’s experienced in a profound way, “The dangers of apparent self-sufficiency explain why Our Lord regards the vices of the feckless and dissipated so much more leniently than the vices that lead to worldly success. Prostitutes are in no danger of finding their present life so satisfactory that they cannot turn to God; the proud, avaricious, the self-righteous, are in that danger.” Lewis confirms success and money aren’t ingredients that often lead people to God. Oftentimes it is when we are at our lowest that God seems closest.

So, what came as the worst news of all ended up bringing the Kelly's to the best news of all.  “Look what happened when God gave us his only Son. The greatest suffering of all, brought eternal salvation,” explained Jill.  In many ways Jill and Jim have 

found comfort knowing that what they went through with their first born son, Hunter, was in a strange and hard to grasp way, something God himself went through in offering his Son, Jesus Christ, for the sins of the world. Like Christ, they know their    reward for enduring the pain involved may not necessarily be in this life but they have taken comfort in knowing that their faith in Christ gives them an opportunity to meet Hunter again in eternity.  As Jill wrote recently on her blog at jillk.org/journal, ““I live with deep pain every single day, missing Hunter more than I can    describe.  And yet, this very pain is a gift from God.  It’s a gift because my pain reminds me that I’m not home yet.  It’s a    constant reminder that heaven awaits me…Hunter is waiting…and so is Jesus. It’s true…this pain I carry in my heart each day is a gift.  The gift of what’s to come.  The gift of pain that inspires me to live fully each and every breath I’m given. What if this pain is an       ever-present gift that God is using to hold me until HE – Himself holds me in His embrace? What if there’s healing in the pain?  What if I know a greater hope and embrace a deeper           understanding of joy because of this broken heart?  What if?”

While Jill’s book tour has ended,     demand for the book continues to grow, Without a Word hit the NY Times bestseller list at #18 in October.  While the book’s success was something that she choose, like everything else in her life to give to God, the        influence of the story lives on in thousands of her readers and Buffalo Bill’s fans forever. Jill explained that her desire was to reach those die hard Bills fans with a message of hope and      inspiration found in Without a Word, showing a side of Jim and 

Jill that they had never really revealed before. Whether  or not you agree with Jim and Jill’s newfound faith, one thing is for sure, you can find inspiration when you look at two people who had it all, experienced a tragedy as they did, held together through it all and experienced marital, family, and spiritual restoration through it all. Yes, you can brush off the faith portion of their story as a crutch that they leaned on and wishful thinking of comfort to see Hunter again in heaven, but to Jim and Jill and millions of others, the story of Christ, especially at this time of year, means all the more. As Jill so elegantly wrote on her blog regarding how a situation as devastating as theirs turned around to bring hope and healing to thousands of others,  “I continue to be in awe of how God has used our beloved son to spread hope, life, and love to countless people all over the country and the world. Yet just as inspiring are the children for whom we do what we do at Hunter’s Hope. They take our breath away, and their very lives encourage each of us to be a better human being . . . a patient and gentle spouse . . . a more gracious and loving parent . . . a sincere friend . . . a good listener . . . and a person who loves deeper and forgives every time.”!